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Archive for December, 2010

this one is to love

He fed her a snack with a straw, then gently wiped away her drool with a terry cloth bib.

She was dressed in a purple track suit and sat reclined in her black rolling chair.

I watched from our circle of chairs.

We were circled around grandpa,

he told us jokes and pretended to blast off in his chair.

we burst like balloons filled with confetti

into giggles and smiles


Grandma fussed and brought out his Christmas gifts to show us.

She ran her fingers through his hair

and I understood.

I understood the simple sandwiches, Bun’s sliced in two, canned meat spread in the middle.

I understood her tiny pot of soup, made with frozen vegetables and broth with noodles.

The brownies from the freezer for dessert, with potato chips and little mandarin oranges,

I saw the couple in the hall, a man pushing his wife in her chair, looking proud as he carefully navigated carts and oxygen machines.

The walls were cream coloured and little blue snowflakes hung by fishing line from the ceiling tiles

Two goldfish swam together in a tank at my right side.

the filter bubbled and the florescent light buzzed

two Goldfish,

a boy and a girl,

they danced in their little tank, tails swishing and twirling

The fish becoming entangled in one another.

Grandma showed us the photo of her and grandpa dancing

his head hung low, her laugh lines beaming.

This man/woman love so foreign to me, the idea of it like a beautiful alien, I watched it make motion.

I watched the fish dance, and the proud man push his wife in her chair. Grandpa looked down and made funny noises, grandma laughed placing a hand on the lap of his elastic waisted corduroys.

this one is to love



king of the brokeness

The ice glitters and the frost bites the bare flesh of my leg, where a hole is wore in my tights.

I look at the lake , it is sparkling blue today, it reminds me of the soft blue in mums eyes.

I kick chunks of ice and marvel at how they glitter in the sun.

All the more brilliant in the snowy white December day.

Siblings bicker around a turkey dinner

I fret over dessert

We could not be more perfect in our brokeness.

but he was the king of brokeness

so I smile and sip my wine.


jingle and kringle

We sang carols in a church pew, our words mixing with new strange voices.


Joy and Good Tidings

Rising up to the heavens.

Puppy danced at the talent show later that eve. Barking and hopping while mum and dad told a story with puppets.

we smiled and giggled, giddy with excitement.

A cake was shared to celebrate the birth of both earth father and heaven father.

Both strong yet humble.

I thought of Dad’s tears over sickly puppy, his crushed expression as they almost took her away.

Puppy welcomed the morning with us.

Sister whispered sweetly at my doorframe.

“Wake up, its Christmas time”

She ran down the hall in tears hands flapping out of control,


the excitement winning her emotions

I chased her and we tackled her with a hug, mum and I

And then the three girls went downstairs.


TEAR and RIP with the paper, Gasps of excitement and squeals with each gift.

we shared smiles and fruit salad sweet on our lips around a dining room table

I think back to last year, a darker time in my heart

I did not share fruit salad, each gift was lain with guilt as I felt undeserving and ashamed

I did not gasp or squeal or snap photos of siblings as they enjoyed each present.


When God shone through the angel atop our tree, I begged it for help.

On knobby knees in hopeless state.

I remember

my sunken faced, thin and pointy

my string like ankles in sockmonkey slippers








my choppy haircut, wrapped up in a headband.

This year I smile at handmade gifts and fresh brewed coffee,

the Lord smiles at our family weak from our battles

but linked tightly in love

This was what we wanted most for Christmas, to be here, to be together.

Merry Christmas

You are all so dearly loved.

home sweet


we got snowed in the first three days we moved here

sister and I explored the windy terrain and found a mysterious box behind our shed


we made a game of jumping off it then landing into a big heap in the deep snow drifts.

Three days later when we brought brother home we showed him our game, and went down to the lake to watch the waves rolling

they screamed and whistled as they crashed into the snowy shore

puppy came home

she bleed deep red into soft snowy piles. blood dripping down like the tears on our cheeks

we cried when they took her today

sister shuddered out a frosted window, puppy’s toy bone pressed into her palm, her shoulders shook with such rage, such confusion

I gasped at the air, afraid to breath.

Then they brought her home. Now we wait in relief questioning an expensive surgery.

or is it time to say goodbye?


The fire crackles and I sit bundled in a long sleeve, brother and sister build a snow fort in the dark

home is where the family is.

put another log on the fire and cuddle up with a glass of wine.

say our prays and say goodnight


paddling my peapodboat

there is beauty in the music of the trickle down.

in a dream world I’m floating down a stream

he paddles and sings in low tones

i touch lilies

and willows brush my shoudlers

i smile at the others moving on the shoreline

by letting him paddle i can see the beauty surrounding us.

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linking my short humble poem with emily today, thanks for stopping by


we rolled ice balls on our knees. Cold water soaking woolen mittens and leaving a big damp circle on the front of each pant leg.
The clouds played peek a boo with the sun, we revealed grassy green streaks as we lifted what we could of the snow.
The second ball was great in mass.
I dropped my soaking mitts and pressed bare fingers into snowy ice. heaving it up-top the first ball.
then she placed the last ball
and named our creation Stanley
we ran indoors
enticed by the warmth and the smell of freshed brewed coffee.
but we had to be quick
we had a personality to create,
a raisin mouth and a carrot nose
Oreo cookie eyes
we stole a hat from our brother’s room
and I shed my mittens and she placed them over pokey twig arms
Would the new family see the beauty in our creation?
would the children refer to him as Stanley?
and would they shake their heads sadly as he melted away in the rain?
She stood at my side and told me his name was Stanley
S for Stanley
S for Snowman
G for Georgia, her stuffed G-giraffe
Did she know that we would NEVER make a snowman in this yard again?
That in a week we would leave and never return
never walk the halls
or skip down those stairs.
She watched in horror as we packed away our belongings
She tried to explain to the dog that they would only go in the box for a short time.
She hid in a box and told us to pack her away, tape her all up and open her on moving day
Mum and I dragged her box into the kitchen
then pulled her out and tickled her until we all sighed exhausted from laughter
Stanley melted today
I ran out in my moccasins to retrieve my wool mitts
his carrot nose discarded on the grass
a meal for a rabbit.
Stanley has left this place
and soon we will too.

Tonight I thank God for getting us this far, I know without a doubt in my mind that we will make it through till next Friday.The Big day