Spinning

sometimes I find myself spinning

one second I’ll be facing one way

the next

the other

I like one side the best

but I can never hold my feet there

I dance and twirl all out of control

I feel strong on the one side

when I turn to face the other way i feel myself weak and pulled

pulled by greater forces.

into a place where no one trusts me

a place where they want to turn me on my head and dump out all my secrets.

Where whatever I don’t like, they want to force upon me

I will not paint or dance or be around loved ones

I’ll be alone, in cold room, that a stranger tried to prepare for me.

I’ll be locked in that place until I can fake a smile.

and say what needs to be said

They want to break me

like a stubborn horse

spin spin

quick face the other way

Once I get my legs strong I can walk this way too

it may just take more time, but I promise you this.

it won’t be on my own

but I will be the driving force

I chose to take God’s hand and he’s here helping me walk a steady line

no one has to connect our hands.

I am able and willing

I promise you this.

Although I am dizzy i won’t fall down again.