blotchy faced and swollen eyed

I woke up this morning, fixed myself breakfast, took my one million supplements and left the buttermilk on the counter so that it would reach room temperature.

I am going to make bread

Here i sit, typing my thoughts and sipping tea.

any unknowing onlooker would be surprised to find that I cried myself to sleep, but if they looked closer they would see my blotchy face and swollen eyes. Mildly recovering after a night buried in my camp quilt.

its no one’s fault.

the bobin ran out of thread.

stubborn people clashed

I felt a strange but familiar pain in my head

and the noises whirled together until I couldn’t understand.

Sometimes I would like to scream: DON’T SEND ME AWAY!

STOP TRYING TO FIX ME!

please just love ME for ME, that would be enough

but I don’t say these things, I hide away here behind my computer screen, put on a loaf of bread and tidy up the kitchen.

the sewing machine is too loud to start.